Archive for June, 2011

In order for a proper pirate party to occur two main ingredients must be mixed together,boats and alcohol, shaken or stirred.   WXGR, the local seacoast radio jams and Dos Amigos Burritos, a local burrito joint understood 50% of this equation and put together Cinco de Mayo booze cruise aboard the Thomas Leighton Steam Ship.  As a previous burrito delivery boy of Dos Amigos and one of WXGR’s biggest fans, I felt the need to up the ante on the booze cruise and turn it into the spanish armada.  Throwing out the Facebook invite many conquistadors got the jist, but only a couple boarded the ship with freshly stenciled shirts and slurred rrrr’s .  A quality effort was put forth by the Berry bro’s and the pirate wenches with black teeth, but for the most part we found ourselves singled out 30 –  1, civilians to pirates.

As the ship set sail at about 7PM, I don’t think anyone aboard was prepared for the mayhem that ensued.  In my opinion, the highlight of the night occurred within minutes of stepping aboard the boat.  Being parched pirates and all, we felt the need to skip the 15 man deep watering hole que.  Upon breaching ordering territory, Ronny dumped his pouch of $25 worth of quarters atop the bar, exclaiming at 175 decibels, “Do ye take SILVERRRRR?”  With full moon eyes and floor struck jaw, the wench behind the chest high mahogony bar was silenced by the tinkling, cracking and pinging of quarters upon metal, ice and glass within a three meter vicinity.  She was able to pull it together, insult us (as deserved) and employ her power as a complete wench for the rest of the patrons to see.  We danced off roaring victoriously heading for the open decks above.  Here we found the key ingredients to loosen up the sterile environment inside, namely cheap & large rum drinks, open seas, the speakerphone for the boat, and a possy of mates that made the night.

Upon disembarking we were met with four police vehicles guarding the gang plank exit.  Our heightened senses told us to blend in with the well dressed crowd and we managed to hit the ground with only sea legs for memories.  The Portsmouth bars must have been aware of the presence of pirates in town because we were barred from entering 95% of the bars in Portsmouth.  Barred from the bar…?  It wasn’t clear until the following morning why this was the case.  It wasn’t until we adressed the histort of the town that we realized Portsmouth, the mouth of the port, would want nothing to do with a bunch of pirates looting and pillaging the quaint little city.

Shout out to all who attended, Liz C for shooting some epic photos, Phil and Nolan for joining the walkabout, and the Thomas Leighton for putting up with us.  Until next year

– Captain Red Beard

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